Published on June 17th, 2016 | by Flipside0
E.U. Definitely Hoping Britain Stays
After recent fan hooliganism at Euro 2016 in France, growing anti-Europe sentiment and the brutal murder of Labour MP Jo Cox by a man shouting ‘Britain First’, other member countries of the European Union have released a joint statement saying Britain sounds like a really wonderful place, and they really hope we stay in the European community.
‘We’ve been really impressed with Britain lately, and we think the rest of Europe definitely stands to benefit by cultural, political and economic association with the peaceful and forward thinking people of Britain’, the E.U. announced.
‘Sure, they’ve got a few niggling issues going on there, but hey, don’t we all? As a continental community, we’ve always looked to Britain for inspiration, and they’ve always delivered. Now more than ever, they are a shining example of how to run a country, and not get dragged down by bigotry, obnoxious personality politics and heretofore-unseen levels of paranoia and fear-mongering. Also, that Nigel Farage seems like a top bloke, and we’d really like to go for a pint with him’, the European governing body continued.
‘We came up with worker’s rights and free movement, and sustain millions of British jobs, but the idea that we Europeans wouldn’t be able to easily come to Britain and sample your delicious pasties, pies with gravy and sad beaches is too much to bear.’
‘So we ask you Britain, for the good of us, yourselves and the rest of the world – please stay in the E.U., and we promise immigrants won’t destroy the perfect society you have built ’