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Politics

Published on January 20th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Ed Miliband Discovered by Map Inside Robot

Political journalists have been rushing to an ancient planet to get a quote from ex-Labour leader Ed Miliband. After discovering an electronic map inside the two droids, BB-8 and R2-D2, the latter having been used as a the only recycling bin in Parliament after going into power-saving mode, Ed Miliband’s whereabouts were discovered to be the First Temple of Labour MPs, in the decaying ruins of the ancient planet of Bradford.

When questioned on his disappearance, Miliband didn’t have anything to say. After further questioning, journalists got a bit miffed.

“I mean, imagine this”, said Felicity Bann-Maigrunts, political editor of The Daily Star, “you’ve spent over two hours getting to find the star of the show and he refused to say anything. We were fucking livid. Some of us journalists had booked our space-travel tickets months in advance and queued for midnight just to get there, and he doesn’t say a sodding word.”

Luckily, Labour Master Jeremi-Wan Cornobin spoke exclusively to Flipside on the situation surrounding Miliband’s disappearance.

“You see, my young apprentices, Miliband was establishing a training camp for Labour Youth, but was betraying by Kylo Burnham and the Pitiful Side of the Force. He blamed himself, let’s face it rightly so. So Miliband retreated away via some Greeky party planet, before ending up in social exile. He finished the new Assassin’s Creed ages ago but can’t connect to get the DLC – such a fate is truly terrible.”

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