Published on May 15th, 2015 | by Flipside0
Ed Miliband to replace Zayn in One Direction
Boyband sensation One Direction have confirmed that they are to become a five-piece again following the departure of Zayn Malik, with the addition of former Labour leader Ed Miliband.
Although the band had initially been unwilling to replace Zayn, they admitted that Miliband’s unexpected popularity with teenage girls during the election campaign had made them rethink.
“Have I got the moves? Hell yeah!” said an excited Miliband, when asked about his new venture from a nightclub in Ibiza.
Miliband joining the band is said to follow a day of intense negotiations with the original band members.
“Ed was all prepared for two weeks of tough coalition talks with Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmond,” observed Miliband’s wife Justine, who is said to be delighted by the news.
“So hammering out the terms of One Direction membership with Harry, Louis, Niall and the other one was a doddle for him.”
Even so, sources close to the band report that compromises have had to be made. “The band agreed to ban bacon sandwiches from all tour buses, but Ed had to be persuaded that printing their next album on 30 tonne stone tablets might not be a good idea.”
Meanwhile, adult boyband Take That have confirmed that they too have added a new band member, to fill the hole left by the departures of Robbie Williams and Jason Orange.
“We do appreciate that it may be quite unpopular with some of our fans,” admitted Gary Barlow, “but the fact is that Nick Clegg is a really persuasive guy when you meet him in person. And he’s a better singer than Howard.”