SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Local

Published on November 21st, 2015 | by Flipside

0

Edinburgh Christmas Market Intends to ‘Rediscover the Spirit of Christmas: Jesus Christ’

Edinburgh’s annual Christmas market in Princes Street Gardens is planning to abandon its traditional German emphasis, instead this year opting for a back-to-basics approach, stressing the true meaning of Christmas: the miracle birth of our Lord and Saviour, the baby Jesus.

Gone will be the shops with kitsch decorations and mulled alcoholic beverages, the skating rink and the ferris wheel, to be replaced by ramshackle brick structures resembling those of ancient Nazareth, Jerusalem and Bethlehem. The only gifts available for purchase will be gold, frankincense and myrrh, and all food will be served according to the ancient laws of Kosher.

The National Gallery, on the Mound, will instead be used as an actual Jewish temple, and a North Star will be placed atop the Scott Monument, which will be attended by three wise men every evening. The market will be closed on the Sabbath, from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday, for that is the day on which our Heavenly Father rested.

Edinburgh council has welcomed the move, describing it as ‘forward thinking’, and also commenting ‘When you think about it, this makes perfect sense – Jesus wasn’t German, was he?’ This comment was followed by a cheeky wink.

Flipside can also reveal that there will be a full-scale re-enactment of the scene when a virgin gave birth to a magic baby who will irrevocably alter the course of human history – animals, manger, wise men and all. There will also be a council of Pharisees and Sadducees, where the experts on law will take on the priestly class in a heated debate about the structure of Jewish society, while Roman soldiers will patrol the entire marketplace with an air of haughty authority, while shouting the odd anti-semitic slur to keep those pesky Jews in line.

Despite the usual popularity of the Christmas Market, Edinburgh council is expecting attendance to plummet this year, as the vast majority of punters will have to return to their hometown for the annual census.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑