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Published on March 14th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Edinburgh Library Patio Leading Cause of Lung Cancer in the UK

A study revealed the leading cause of lung cancer and smoking related illness in the UK can be traced to the 12×12 concrete patio outside the Edinburgh Library. Scientists are now studying the concrete blocks to understand how they are such a health risk.

‘It’s incredible but that uncomfortable cement block has generated enough carcinogens to theoretically kill everyone,’ Bill Physics, the head scientist, told Flipside. ‘Honestly, we don’t know what it is about the block, all we know is it produces more tar than an industrial waste factory,’ he said dragging on a smooth marlboro red. ‘Although we think it might explain why the George Square trees are that unhealthy shade of grey.’

The interview was cut short by a campaigner for personal wellbeing and another protest for environmental thoughtfulness.

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