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Published on October 7th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Edinburgh Tab Offends The Entire Student Population, Just A Regular Day In The Life Of The Tab

In the same week they fucked off all of St. Andrews (about 37 upper class people and a golf course). The Edinburgh Tab has claimed to have solved a problem that has plagued philosophers for centuries:  The meaning of life, which they found to be the Big Cheese.

Separately The Edinburgh Tab revealed (in an article which no one wanted to be written) that Edinburgh University students are, in fact, defined by which halls they were in first year. The Tab described halls as tribes, in which first years are socialised into wearing and breathing the same lifestyle as the rest of the given hall. 

The lead tribe who all other tribes envy is, of course, Pollock. If you were not in Pollock, you wanted to be in Pollock and are essentially not a human person. All other halls were overshadowed by the greatest of Pollock. To test these claims, we spoke to Gordon Brown, an Edinburgh University alumni. “Bigoted” Brown exclaimed “I stayed in Beaverbank, and despite the lack of beavers, I did not feel like I lived in the shadow of Pollock. This was probably because I lived too far away but that’s besides the point.”

One student asked, “What is it? It certainly isn’t news! but it isn’t satire either, is there something in between those two? I am most confused!”

Speaking to Flipside, Karl Marx (not the actual Karl Marx, this guy was a member of the conservative society, (we know right, irony)  showed his appreciation for the Tab’s attempt to understand the impact of class relations on university life. However he rejected their conclusions as “nonsense!” But that it was fine because “everyone knows you only read The Tab to avoid studying anyway” (not that Flipside thinks people read our content for any other reason either).

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