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Published on November 11th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Edinburgh University Read Every Buzzfeed Article Before Releasing Exam Diet.

As we all know, the exam diet is released incredibly late every year. This is much to the frustration of all the students due to the inconvenience of increased flight and train prices (general wondering about when we can get drunk and play shit Christmas music). Controversially, it has been revealed this week that the University Of Edinburgh read every Buzzfeed article before releasing the exam diet. Citing it as the main reason for the delay.

In fact, it transpires that the University will do almost anything to avoid publishing the exam timetable. Buzzfeed aside, procrastination activities involve: cleaning the entire campus before they start, cooking elaborate and meaninglessly time consuming meals, going to the pub with Napier and Herriot Watt (even though they don’t really like them), and finally just doing fuck all.

A spokesperson said, “Look what do you expect, we are only the third richest University in Britain, just lower your expectations please, we have important things to do. You all spend your time doing sod all too, we see you in the library, pretending to work whilst actually just reading about why Edinburgh is so disgusting (not really).

However, in an unexpected turn of events, it was announced day that forcing students to pay hundreds of pounds more by booking them late or having to reschedule was “inacceptable”, so they would be refunded for their troubles.

The spokesperson said, “In fact, it is mostly international students who suffer the most, and we charge them loads, so we will be reducing their fees, no this isn’t a joke, we are just in a good mood. Anyone who can not get home due to flights running out have been invited to a “super fun” Christmas party with some (emphasis on some) alcohol. Tickets will be £400.”

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