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Sports

Published on October 17th, 2013 | by Flipside

0

England certain to win next World Cup

Following their victory over previous favourites to win the summer tournament, Poland, England are almost certainly going to win the World Cup, according to Adrian Childs, FHM and a bloke down the street called Dave who reportedly tried to vote for the English Defence League last time there was an election.

Englands 2-0 victory, capping off an unbeaten campaign over titans of international football such as San Marino and Montenegro, has made them almost certain favourites to win the tournament. Book makers have removed all outright markets on England winning the tournament, for fear of the avalanche of incoming bets.

Professional footballers across the world are reportedly terrified of the formidable English team. Flipside got in touch with Brazil and Barcelona forward Neymar da Silva Santos Júnior, who was speechless at the prospect of having to deal with Danny Welbeck and James Milner, but even more terrified at having to deal with Phil Jones.

EUSA President Hugh Murdoch was contacted for his thoughts on the matter and said, “Well as you know, I’m totally above such superfluous nationalism. It doesn’t bother me really, it’s good for the team I guess. I’m mainly happy that Scotland beat Croatia, as President of a Scottish University Union.”

As he said that, his eyes quickly averted to a calendar with ‘NUS Scotland Conference’ circled at some time in April. He then rambled on about how he really didn’t care, whilst surreptitiously booking flights to Brazil.

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