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Sports

Published on January 4th, 2014 | by Flipside

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England Cricket Team to take up Tiddlywinks

Following the destruction of the English cricket team in Australia, England cricket coach Andy Flower has announced that the team is to learn to play tiddlywinks, with hopes of playing competitively in the next season. Flower announced it was part of a new initiative to find a sport his dispirited team could play consistently.

Flower spoke to Flipside, the only publication at the press conference in Sydney and the only group of reporters not heckling him for being shit. “Look, they obviously can’t play cricket in the sun. So this shift is necessary. It may seem radical, but I reckon if it I goes well I could still get a shit sports film made about my life.”

Kevin Pietersen was asked for comment, but he was too busy frantically filling out ICC forms which would allow him to play for South Africa. Stuart Broad was equally occupied, throwing a temper tantrum.

The new change in direction will raise serious questions about Flower’s future, especially following an Ashes test series that has been marred by catastrophe, including Graeme Swann telling a horrible joke on Facebook and retiring, Jonathon Trott having to fly home with personal issues, and Sky Sports News being dominated by boring press conferences hosted by Alastair Cook.

In response to the announcement from Andy Flower and the English Cricket Board, one cricket fan in Edinburgh, Jamie Donnelly, simply had this to say “I don’t really know what everyone is getting excited about. No one ever wins away games in Cricket. The sport is basically broken anyway. But it is a cracking excuse to drink all day.”

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