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Published on October 1st, 2015 | by Flipside

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EUSA Doing Ok; Student Media Stumped

Student media heads at the University of Edinburgh have been desperately scraping for content, after it transpired that nearly two weeks into term, EUSA’s sabbatical team has not made any of the blinding errors everyone has become accustomed to.

Speaking to Flipside, a source from The Student said: “Given the precedent, we fully expected EUSA’s sabbatical officers to make some kind of mistake by now, whether it be making a relatively inoffensive but unmandated statement about Syria, or whole-heartedly putting their own political interests in front of their role. Surely, we thought, they’ll declare EUSA to be a Corbynite or something, but no.”

However, despite their lack of success so far, media hacks have vowed not to give up yet.

“We’ve got some leads which we think we can make something from” said The Student’s news team. “It turns out Andy Peel was given two yellow cards for his primary school football team in 2001, and refused to leave the field of play for several minutes – not very ethical. Urte Macikene also turned in an essay over 16 minutes late in second year, whilst Jonny Ross-Tatum, well, it turns out that he never even knew what ‘wellbeing is everything’ meant after all. He also used to go to Cab Vol on a Saturday night instead of Potterrow. Not so supportive of EUSA then eh’ Jonny?”

When asked if they had anything to report on Imogen Wilson, The Student’s editors shook their heads and said: “No, no, we always choose one sabb each year that we like and refuse to criticise. We find it turns them against each other and helps us get the information we want.” When asked about their plans for the coming year, it transpired that The Tab would be giving up on reporting on EUSA politics and would be returning to publishing populist style articles such as ‘What shade of jizz stain is your uni?’ and ‘5 different pasta shapes you’ll eat in your freshers’ week.’

A source from FreshAir said, “Maybe just give us a nod when we have to do EdQT.”

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