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Published on November 25th, 2013 | by Flipside

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‘EUSA is a unicorn’ – unnamed students begin proposing a spree of ridiculous motions to the student council

In the wake of the recent ‘EUSA is a feminist’ policy, passed by the student council last Thursday, a group of unnamed students have begun proposing a series of outlandish and controversial policies for debate at future council meetings.

‘EUSA is a Unicorn’, ‘EUSA is a what you want it to be’ and perhaps the most controversial, ‘EUSA is a raging alcoholic as well as a racist’, are just some of the mission statements proposed by students to the association.

The group behind the motions spoke to Flipside via a telephone conversation, but would not reveal their identities.

In a statement, one of the students said: “These policies basically mirror the model of the ‘EUSA is a Feminist’ motion, in that they give bold, inspiring and ambitious statements, whilst actually doing jack shit for the wellbeing of the university’s students.”

When asked if he believed the motion would pass, the student said: “Obviously. Nobody even knows how to vote on EUSA motions, never mind gives a fuck. We’ll just pack out the council meeting with all our mates and expose the vastly flawed supposedly ‘democratic’ system which EUSA purports to have.”

When questioned regarding his thoughts on the ‘EUSA is a raging alcoholic as well as a racist’ motion, EUSA President Hugh Murdoch said: “Well it gives the folks at The Student something to bitch about doesn’t it. Shit chat though I guess, racism shouldn’t be tolerated ever – please quote me on that, it’ll give me a mental CV boost.”

VPAA Alex Munyard added: “Fuck off, you’re not getting a quote, you made me look like a twat in your last article.”

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