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World

Published on November 19th, 2015 | by Flipside

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EUSA President Solves Israel Palestine Conflict.

Breaking News: It has emerged today that there will be peace between Israel and Palestine. In this historic moment one man has emerged the hero, EUSA president Jonty Ross Channing-Tatum.

Chaos had hit the streets of the Gaza Strip this moring, however one man stepped into the middle of the newly brewed conflict, gunmen on both sides raised their weapons and prepared to shoot, but couldn’t as this man pulled out a chair, flipped it round, and sat on it the wrong way round, all cool like, an awe was audible from the gunmen.

After a few moments and a short four hour speech the conflict was solved, President Roasting things makes them-Tastyum explained how.

“It was simple”, he said, “I simply reminded them that well-being was everything, and that this violence and conflict wasn’t everything: it couldn’t be, because well-being is everything. They didn’t understand at first, but after a quick mindfulness session, which I ran, they began to comprehend what I was saying. They put down their guns and agreed to live in peace.”

Following this he said, “they offered me the position of emperor (there is no such position and he wasn’t offered it), but I had to turn them down. I am just a regular guy, just Jonnnnny, Jonnnny Rist Titum.”

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