Published on December 10th, 2013 | by Flipside0
EUSA to debate motion of whether or not the year is 1945
Following a few months of incredibly boring exciting student agitation in preparation for their campaign against the raising of the pension age to 70, factions within Edinburgh University Student’s Association are finally going to seek the intellectual legitimacy to pursue more of their campaigns, by passing a motion over whether or not the year is 1945.
The motion, titled ‘The year is 1945’ will contain a series of points outlining that EUSA should campaign for a series of problems from 1945, as if it was 1945. Mike Shaw, co-author of the motion alongside a puppet of Tony Benn, thinks the motion is exactly what students need. “Look, in 1945, the Labour government did lots of nice things to solve problems that existed at the time. So, on the far-left we’ve basically completely failed to come up with any new policies since 1945, and we’ve also failed to recognise that the world has changed significantly. This motion is perfect because it gives us an environment in which we’re very comfortable making policy recommendations. For example, if everyone agrees that it’s 1945, then the average age is 65, and it makes sense to have that as the pension age.”
Nadia Mehdi, the EUSA Vice-President of Societies and Activities called the motion a ‘game-changer’ saying, “It will finally allow us to start campaigning for the nationalisation of the British coal-industry.”
Alex Munyard, the EUSA Vice-President of Academic Affairs, was also happy to point out that it would allow him to campaign for something that already existed, and then take credit for it. “Yeah it’s great! I’m going to run a campaign for a National Health Service sometime in the next few weeks, after that I’m going to call for the Nationalisation of the Bank of England, and for the withdrawal of British governance from India.”
Kirsty Haigh, is on the fence about it, “Whilst I’m predisposed to think any activism of this sort is great, I’m a bit worried about the unintended consequences. Whilst it was nice that there was a very left-wing government in 1945, Britain was also still under heavy rationing, the country had been bombed to pieces, sexism and racism were appalling, national service was still a thing, I could go on ad nauseum. I just think by pretending it’s 1945 we’re going to open a big can of worms.”
Hugh Murdoch, EUSA President, was similarly divided, “I think it’s a terrible, terrible, idea. But, if it were 1945, I would almost be average height, due to the mass malnutrition of the age. I’d probably also be up for some ration-style packaged egg.”
Edinburgh University Jazz Orchestra has come out in support of the motion as it would make them the most popular music society of campus. They are at loggerheads with Edinburgh University Dance Music Society, who claim they would cease to exist. Other opposition societies are Edinburgh University Snow Sports Club, who have complained that 1940s ski-wear is ‘itchy’, and Edinburgh University Trading and Investment Club, who would be forced to conduct analysis of stocks and shares without computers.
An unusual set of allies to the motion are Edinburgh University Conservative and Unionist Association. President Declan Lyons is apparently ‘buzzing’ about the bill. “Everyone seems to forget that in the 1940s the Tories dominated Scotland. Our society is set to triple in size.”
To gauge the University reaction to this latest motion we stopped some students on their way to exams, and they were sick all over us. It was horrid.