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Published on January 26th, 2016 | by Flipside

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EUSA’s WankSoc is a flop

A press statement released by EUSA President Jonathan-Ross Tatum has declared the closing down of WankSoc, due to having only one member.

“Whereas a distinctive salty scent should be running through our campus, there is only the smell of disappointment,” the press statement began. “We at EUSA are disappointed to announce that, despite our firm grip and rigid structuring, we are forced to shut down WankSoc.”

A week ago, EUSA announced that they would be taking the matter of reducing student stress into their own hands with WankSoc, or to give it its full title “Wellbeing and Neo-Kindness Society”, a program dedicated to self-stress relief for students. The formation of WankSoc has long been rumoured, with The Student investigating the large amounts of Kleenex boxes and Hellman’s mayonnaise ordered to Pottershop.

The press statement however ended with optimism in WankSoc’s favour.

“Even though it didn’t last as long as we expected, WankSoc may one day rise once again. In the words of Robert Burns, ‘Though the bell may toll, this bell is not our end.'”

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