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Published on September 19th, 2013 | by Flipside

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EUTIC wins Asshole Society Award

APPLETON TOWER – Edinburgh University Trading and Investment Club (EUTIC), the University of Edinburgh’s largest non-sports society on campus, has won the EUSA Asshole Society award – narrowly defeating Edinburgh University Snow Sports Club. The club, which handles an investment fund worth tens of thousands of pounds and works towards developing the careers and bankster skillz of its members, won the award for collectively trying to be like Patrick Bateman and partially succeeding.

The club, which takes part in decadent socials with champagne and finance-themed cocktails, has been known to engage in a series of outrageous socials, including having money fights, playing beer pong with solid gold balls and drinking Champagne with Coca-Cola because it’s the perfect fusion of high class and capitalism.

In addition, the club’s powerful network of contacts, which may or not include Syrian Dictator Bashar Al-Assad, means the club members generally end up in well-paid jobs after graduation. This is something the club does little to hide; their motto for 2013 is “What even is Graduate Unemployment?”

Boss Rarry, President of EUTIC, welcomed the accolade, simply stating, “Y’all are just jellys.”

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