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Sports

Published on February 6th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Fans’ guide to the Six Nations

For this year’s RBS (Robbing Banker Scum) Six Nations we have compiled a guide to each team’s chances from representative fans of each nation:

England: 2nd year history student and pie lover James Milner Pulford, (who once played rugby when he was fourteen), has declared, “England have basically won already, the opposition are shit. Wales are lazy farming nonsense; it is basically a large county of England. We own Scotland full stop, so any victory for them is a victory for us. Ireland are shifty and hard to understand. France will surrender before we even sail to their cowardly shores and we beat Italy in the war, so basically the tournament is ours. Plus Mike Brown looks like an Orc, no one is going to mess with him.”

Wales: Afan Jones-Lewellyn-Jones-Davis-Griffiths-Thomas-Rodriguez, 3rd year Welsh Politics Studies, (we agree it isn’t a subject or important), has commented that “We Welsh working class, hard-working, working hard rugby people will fight for the working hard class of workers on the pitches and in the fields! As long as we beat England it’s fine.”

Ireland: We couldn’t find a real Irish person to interview, but several English-sounding people claimed to be a quarter Irish so we figured they would do. 3rd year and liar, Ellen Casey, has argued that “Ireland are bound to win, our kit is better than anyone else’s. Surely the green helps us blend in and make it hard for the others to tackle them. Plus with the ghost of BOD looking after us, nothing can go wrong.  To be honest, as long as we beat England it’s fine.”

Italy: We couldn’t find any Italians, but a man from Manchester called Patrick Garratt gave us his opinion in return for a steak bake. He said, “If Italy can clone Sergio Parisse then they have a great chance, but due to the sorry state of Italian cloning research I fear they may not. Sadly I think they may be collecting the wooden spoon. But if they get it they should just have a nice communal soup with it, you know, bring people together.”

Scotland: Nathan Low, 1st year Pessimist commented, “As the only Scot at Edinburgh University I have to say, we don’t have a chance, so fuck it. I don’t even like rugby, why can’t we do something else? Andy Murray is quite good at tennis, when is Wimbledon again? As long as we beat England it’s fine.”

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