SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Politics

Published on May 5th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

Farage to sue God over “blatant left-wing bias” to reality

Following his attacks on the BBC for allegedly favouring the political left, UKIP leader Nigel Farage has confirmed that his party is now launching a legal challenge against The Lord God himself, on the grounds that all of His Creation is imbued with an unacceptable left-wing bias.

The Vatican today confirmed that they had received a letter from a UK political party which appeared to be about some form of legal action, although they were unaware of its precise contents due to “exceptionally bad grammar and illegible handwriting”.

Farage is understood to have set up a think-tank within UKIP to assess how the BBC supposedly stacked a debate audience with left-wing voters. He was shocked by what they found, according to the think tank spokesperson.

“It goes far beyond the BBC,” he said. “Opinion polls across Britain reveal the same anti-UKIP bias! And it’s not just the voters either.”

He went on to list a whole series of facts and figures that he claimed proved that there had been a systematic campaign of liberal tampering by The Lord Almighty:

  • 86% of Britons refusing to vote UKIP.
  • Football being more popular than polo.
  • Chips being cheaper than caviar.
  • Rupert Murdoch not owning the BBC.
  • Donald Trump not being US President.
  • Katie Hopkins not winning The Apprentice.
  • Jeremy Clarkson being fired from Top Gear.
  • Inability of UKIP candidates to avoid saying really stupid things on Twitter.

As well as insisting that God correct all of these biases immediately, Farage has further demanded that The Lord should smite with mighty lightning bolts any comedians who dares to mock UKIP’s holy crusade to rid Britain of immigrants. Especially ones on the BBC.

Professor Richard Dawkins was quick to pour scorn on Farage’s attempts to blame UKIP’s woes on what he called a non-existent deity. “He’s just the figurehead of a primitive and outdated belief system,” Dawkins observed. “And the same goes for God.”

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑