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Published on February 17th, 2014 | by Flipside

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King’s Buildings found to be “Least Magical Place on Earth”

 The Edinburgh University’s King’s Buildings have been found to be “The Least Magical Place on Earth”, it’s been revealed by the Academy of Bewitchers, Rune Appropriators, Conjurers, Alchemists, Diviners, Astrologists and Black arts Research Alliance (ABRACADABRA).

Spokesperson and Third order Warlock Gwydion Goatfumble, speaking outside the JCMB, revealing to the crowd of amassed magicfolk and bemused scientists the findings of ABRACADABRA’s research.

“Our team of elite-class witches have been searching tirelessly for weeks trying to find a shred of magic in this snake-god forsaken place. We have conclusively found no evidence of magic in KB, no unexplainable phenomena, no ghost sightings. Nothing.”

“We couldn’t even find a faun.”

Mr Goatfumble spoke of the difficulties that his research team encountered, including verbal harassment by some third year Mathematics students identified as wearing “ironic t-shirts”.

“When conducting interviews to determine the presence of any goblins operating in the vicinity, we were challenged by a group of students who claimed that these creatures didn’t exist. We responded that even though there is no so called ‘scientific’ evidence that goblins exist, there still prevails a chance that they do, in fact, exist.”

“The crowd of students then became rowdy, shouting some nonsense about Russell and his teapot.  Their lack of belief in the art of magic caused three witches to disappear in a puff of science – leaving us all in a really rather tricky philosophical quandary, really.” Mr Goatfumble then had a sit down to have a good old think about it all.

Esteemed Professor of Theoretical Physics Emilia Trunksnout, who works in the King’s Building,s said she was not surprised by the researchers’ findings. “Anyone who has visited the King’s Buildings will understand the outcome of this report. There is categorically no magic in this place whatsoever.”

“In fact, I believe this place actually functions as some sort of magical black hole, actively sucking away any sense of magic or imagination.”

“Since working here, my imagination has deteriorated to the point that I named my dog ‘Dog’.”

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