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Published on November 18th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Flipside President Claims He Is ‘Too Built’ For Topman

During a highly classified Flipside meeting this week, President N announced his plans to boycott Topman because he was simply ‘too built’ to fit into any of their clothes.

‘It’s a problem I’ve struggled with for years. It’s not a very well known affliction and is often misdiagnosed as a “first world problem”. All I want is to clothe my body in expensive on-trend garments—but alas, my muscles are too huge.’

President N voiced a genuine fear that on wearing the flimsy, tight clothing produced by the company, his biceps would burst free, causing a serious proximity hazard to all around—rather like The Hulk in Marvel’s Avengers Assemble.

‘I can’t put the wider public at risk like that. If only Topman would put an end to their prejudices and learn to accommodate other body types—then, perhaps, we could have peace.’

Topman has declined to comment on this issue and has asked that Flipside ‘stop calling and go get a real job.’

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