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Published on October 10th, 2013 | by Flipside

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Breaking News: Edinburgh University in shutdown over budget talks, Flipside radicals kidnap bursar

EDINBURGH, UK – Edinburgh University looks set to remain closed for business on Monday as talks on agreeing a new budget stalled. The Flea Party, the radical libertarian and feminist-baiting wing of Flipside, kidnapped the Bursar when the Chancellor of the university refused their demand of defunding the Director of Studies Personal Tutor system.

“Unless a new budget is agreed by midnight on Sunday, the University will cease all teaching and research activity from 9 am Monday,” confirmed the Chancellor. “Sadly, we cannot agree a budget without the Bursar.”

Inside sources report that the Bursar may be bound and gagged in the Edinburgh Dungeon. The Flea Party has refused to release him until all funding is withdrawn from the PT system. When a University representative was sent to negotiate, they kidnapped him too.

The Flea Party aims to achieve total equality for 99% of the population by giving all their money to the remaining 1%. They are utterly opposed to the idea that students should have access to academic staff without paying for it as it “defiles the glorious free market.”

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