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Politics

Published on February 16th, 2014 | by Flipside

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Flood crisis worsens as Westminster runs out of wellies

House of Commons boot stockpiles dangerously low due to unprecedented number of MPs standing in the water looking worried.

The flood crisis in England has destroyed thousands of homes, disabled the transport network and set the economic recovery back by several years. However, a far greater crisis is now looming: Westminster could run out of wellington boots by the end of the week.

“It’s all very well sending sandbags and food parcels for stranded householders, but what we really need here is lots of MPs standing in the water wearing concerned expressions,” said one flood victim. “But if the wellies run out, they’ll stop coming!”

“I’m trapped in the attic, haven’t eaten for three days, and have lost everything I own,” said Ethel Fortnum, 82. “But I saw the Minister for Overseas Development wading past last week looking miserable, and that made it all OK.”

Not everyone is so lucky. “We haven’t had a wellied politician here for nearly a week,” said Doris Teacup of Bladderford. “Not even a backbencher. People here are getting desperate. We’ve said we’ll lend them some boots, but they still don’t come. The only consolation is, it’s not flooded here, yet.”

“It’s not like we’re asking them to do anything about it,” said an angry resident of flood-hit Worcester. “We just want more politicos standing there looking wet with the rest of us. Inadequate boot supplies is no excuse.”

A Westminster spokesman confirmed that they had been expecting an emergency delivery of velvet-lined wellies to avert the crisis, but for some unknown reason the supplier, based in Somerset, had failed to deliver. “And we can’t expect MPs to wear the same pair twice,” he added. “They smell. The boots, I mean.”

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