SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Local

Published on August 29th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

Flyerer dies after 57 hour shift, company docks wages

Students being exploited for cheap labour isn’t entirely unheard of at the fringe, but today, serial flyerer/tourist botherer Sammy Marmite Junior died after a marathon 57 hour shift, handing out advertisements for a penis puppetry show at the Dick Vet School.

The company that employed Sammy, which cannot be named for legal reasons, told a Flipside reporter that like the comedy productions that they are renowned for promoting, the students too are “gagging for paid work” and are often willing to do anything to get into the business. At this point, our reporter Karen got off their black couch and returned to Flipside HQ, demanding another pay rise.

Defending their position at a later date with a different reporter, a spokesperson for the company said “We treat our flyerers like all Fringe production companies do, our employees are given poorly paid work experience and a lifetime phobia of small pieces of paper. The only reason that we take their passports is so that they have an incentive to hand out even more flyers”

“By dying, Mr Marmite Junior clearly failed to dedicate himself sufficiently to the job. Therefore we felt that we had no other choice but to penalise him for his life choices”.

In an attempt to pay tribute to their fallen comrade, Sammy’s colleagues have now taken to flyering everyone in his former hospital ward, telling them that they’ll be dying with laughter instead of whatever STD they picked up from Hive.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑