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Published on December 23rd, 2015 | by Flipside

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Forth Road Bridge Reopens After Gandalf Defeats Balrog Of Morgoth

Breaking News: It had been predicted that the Forth Road Bridge would be closed into the New Year, however it has re-opened today as Gandalf has defeated the Balrog ahead of schedule.

Gandalf has naturally been praised for his heroics and Flipisde was able to interview him for a comment.

“In the lowest dungeon and on the highest peak (Inchgarvie Island) I smote him on the hillside. Then I thought darkness had taken me, but it turns out it was just the shortest day yesterday so it got dark pretty quickly. I then went into Edinburgh to look for the lads (Fellowship) and found that they have already moved on. So I had a massive piss-up in a Spoon with some goblins (locals) and was on my way. Also I am much cleaner now I have had a little swim, so I am no longer Gandalf the Grey, I am Gandalf the White.”

Flipside hates it when a bae gets racist and associates white colour with goodness, am I right Johnnnnnny Ross-Tolkein?

Gandalf has commandeered a white Ferrari, which he is calling Shadowfax for some reason, and intends to meet up with the fellowship in the lands of the horse lords (Cumbria) as soon as possible.

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