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Entertainment

Published on December 13th, 2013 | by Flipside

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FreshAir to broadcast 12 hours of white noise as new variety of Dubstep

FreshAir, Edinburgh University’s student radio station, is set to broadcast 12 hours of white noise in order to debut a new “style of dubstep” based on “suffering and longing”. The broadcast will run from 12 in the afternoon till 12 at night next Tuesday, and will be heard by students revising in Teviot.

FreshAir’s Head of Music, Brian Samosa, came up with the idea. “We wanted a really artsy debut for the genre, which has been labelled Post-Post-Pre-Post-Dubstep, or Quad-P-Dub, by its creator, Sparksy – he also composed the song we’re going to play, which happens to match the frequency and sound of white noise. The fact that it runs from 12 in the afternoon to 12 at night symbolises the cycle of life.”

Station Manager, Eve Livingston, said, “Yeah it’s pretty good we’re doing this sort of thing, like it’s quite innovative. My only concern is that we might alienate our existing listeners. I mean thousands upon thousands of people listen to FreshAir everyday. Don’t they? DON’T THEY!?” Livingston then grabbed one of our reporters by the scruff of their neck and proceeded to quiz them on the FreshAir schedule in order to prove they listened to FreshAir.

Nadia Mehdi, EUSA Vice-President of Societies and Activities, was thrilled to learn about FreshAir’s international exclusive debut after we told her about it. “Yeah sounds great! Sorry, I’ve been busy protesting against the existence of banks! But it’s cool that societies do stuff and stuff. Wooo.”

We attempted to get hold of someone at the Edinburgh College of Art, the principality recently conquered by the University, so they could say something contentious and snobbish about the artistic credibility of this endeavour. However, there was nobody around when we checked, we sent a few emails and some tutor said he used to be on FreshAir, so we gave up on the entire endeavour. However, we were determined to print something because we at Flipside did a lot of walking for very little gain and wanted to tell you all about it. Working in journalism is bollocks.

We tried to get hold of Sparksy, but he is currently in “artistic hibernation” and refuses to engage with anything that might “ruin his mantra” according to his shady manager ‘King Duncan’.

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