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Published on October 20th, 2013 | by Flipside

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Fresher on verge of tears after failing to pull at Big Cheese

After failing to pull at the Big Cheese last night, James-John Westwick, a Fresher from Falkirk who studies History at the University of Edinburgh, is on the verge of crying. Yesterday Flipside reported on Westwick’s quite powerful beliefs that he was going to score at the Big Cheese yesterday. However, unfortunately, he failed.

“I just couldn’t find anyone who’d get off with me,” said Westwick, visibly saddened. “I ventured around, giving out VKs like nae cunts business. But it just didn’t work out for me. I was so determined. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Westwick was experiencing a sugary hangover which he was struggling to get rid of. Once it simmered down however, incredible sadness set in. “I just felt so alone. I’ve spent all day watching Breaking Bad for the fortieth time and it just isn’t helping. I even listened to the Smiths for a while to give my life some meaning.”

After weighing up his options, Westwick has decided to channel his energy into his studies. LOL.

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