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Sports

Published on September 30th, 2014 | by Flipside

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Fresher rugby LAD feels more part of university after having frozen turkey shoved up ass

Edinburgh University rugby player and general fresher LAD Andrew Saddler cannot believe how close he feels to all of his new teammates after his recent initiation into the rugby club, which culminated in a frozen turkey being inserted into his rectum by the “boys”.

“It was just wonderful,” commented Saddler, “Nothing has ever made me feel closer to a group of people, although granted they had to get fairly close to fit the turkey up there.”

“The operation to have it removed was pretty painful and I won’t be able to play rugby for like three years, but it’s the social side that counts. You hear horror stories from other universities about some clubs just having a drink and a laugh, and in some clubs they don’t even mind if you don’t drink – it sends a shiver down your spine.”

He continued, “This was an initiation to dream of, and indeed my psychiatrist says the flashbacks may never leave me. But it doesn’t matter because I’m part of it now; Johnny and Jambo are my new best mates and said that if I lick their boots I might get a seat on the bench for the 8’s when I’m fit.”

“Going Big Cheese with the boys this Saturday, apparently we’re going to set the freshers’ pubes on fire, what bants. I’m sure to pull with a stunt like that.”

When Flipside approached the Sports Union President Conor Bond for a comment on whether these activities contravene EUSA’s ban on lad culture, he merely dropped his trousers in a display of macho supremacy.

“It’s the way it always has been and always will be, traditions are taken very seriously at the SU and that EUSA can go fuck themselves.”

 

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