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Published on October 31st, 2013 | by Flipside

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Ghost of Greyfriars Bobby declares revenge on Halloween vandals

EDINBURGH – At a press conference held earlier aimed at addressing a matter of grave seriousness, the ghost of Greyfriars Bobby reportedly promised those in attendance that he would “take a shit oan the graves o’ anae cunt tha so much as puts a fuckin traffic cone oan mah hed”, reporters told Edinburgh Flipside.

Speaking to an assorted crowd of tourists, students and neds, Bobby expressed his frustration at being treated “like ahm jus ae statue wae naw feelins oar anaethin”, and that he would be “kickin up a shi’storm like naecunts ever seen”.

“At first, I was a bit frightened when I saw the ghastly, ghoulish figure of Bobby hovering in front of his statue”, said third year Edinburgh University Economics student, Hume Davidson. “But when he started talking to the crowd and calling us ‘cunts’, we all knew it was none other than the famous Skye Terrier we all loved and adored”.

When questioned about his whereabouts for the past 141 years since his statue was erected, Bobby explained that he had simply been in purgatory with his owner, otherwise known to local Edinburgh residents as Leith. Unfortunately his owner, John Gray, was unable to be reached for comment.

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