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Commentary

Published on March 7th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Grant Property Actually Run By Vampires

After months of careful research and thoughtful espionage, Edinburgh Flipside can expose the estate agency ‘Grant Property’ for the nefarious bed of human cruelty for what it is, a Vampire Coven. This revelation has come to light after months of reports of tenants of the said company, woke up feeling drained, and with a crippling sense of dread. These intense feelings, which were nothing to do with up coming essay and dissertation deadlines, often appeared on or around visits from representatives from the agency. Two small marks turned up on the tenants necks.

 

Chris, a third year who lives in an over-priced flat on Dalkeith Road had this to say ‘I’d had a guy come and look at some mold that had been colonizing the bathroom wall, the guy looked at it just knew straight away that there was nothing he could do, I have no idea how he could see into the future like that. I next day I awoke feeling exceptionally groggy, I just had to stay in bed the whole day and have a dominos using the vouchers from the guy outside the library. I thought more and more about it, and the fact that I had a bleeding neck and my girlfriend was missing, and that they always ask to be let in first, drew me to the conclusion that obviously the guy was a vampire. I spoke to my pals, all of us are with Grant, because they’re a monster who have swallowed the Edinburgh Uni student market whole, and they’ve noticed similar trends. One of my friends, Ryan, tried to take a picture with one of them, but they refused! It’s so fucked up.’

 

We’ll keep you updated on this gothic and ghastly tale.

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