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Politics

Published on October 24th, 2013 | by Flipside

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“Green-Man” Cameron decides not to save the world after all

Breaking news: Tory superhero hangs up his lycra after falling in love with Daily Mail.

When David Cameron came to power in 2010, he stood in front of Downing Street wearing bright green shorts over lycra tights, with the name “Green-Man” emblazoned across his chest. He promised to save the world from climate change via modest green taxes, measly subsidies for renewables and energy efficiency and a plan to refreeze the arctic with his super-powered ice breath.

For three years he has lived a double live as climate-saving Green Man and mild-mannered bumbling PM Cameron Kent. But now, he has chosen to abandon his never-ending battle against the forces of CO2 and settle down with the love of his life, the Daily Mail.  “It wasn’t an easy choice for him, said his plucky chancellor buddy Jimmy Osborne. He couldn’t keep saving the world and be loved by the Daily Mail. He had to choose, so he chose love.”

Cameron is said to have flown to his fortress of solitude and had his superpowers taken away by some Kryptonian red flashy light thing.  He returned so weak and diminished that he got beaten up by Ed Miliband.  However he did get to snog Paul Dacre, which made it all worth it for him.  Since then, global temperatures have jumped four degrees and a series of tornadoes have begun destroying the world’s cities. Experts predict that without Green-Man to protect us, the world may end before Xmas.

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