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Published on February 8th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Grizzly Bears To Protest Betsy De Vos Confirmation

The United States’ population of Grizzly Bears have launched large-scale protests in Alaska, Idaho, Montana and Wyoming following Betsy De Vos’ confirmation as Education Secretary.

Growling chants of ‘Bearists Out!’ alongside renditions of ‘We Shall Overcome’ the bears have demanded she immediately apologise for her anti-Bear remarks and guarantee access to education.

Mother Misha Ben said, ‘We are increasingly living in a Fascist state. All my life I have been abused by humans when they have come onto my territory. I’ve been hit with rubber bullets, pepper-sprayed and even on one occasion shot at. That’s why we started Bear Lives Matters. But now they’re targeting my cubs! They have really went too far. We’re socially-disadvantaged enough without restricting a basic right to education. I will not have my cubs suffer the same experiences I have had to go through.

Chalmers continued, ‘If it gets any worse then we’ll move to Canada, we have family there. From what they tell us it sounds like a far more welcoming place, where we are treated with respect. All the bears are big supporters of Trudeau!’

Finally when asked whether she thought De Vos’ confirmation was a result of having donated more than $200 million to Republican Senators over the previous years’ Ben replied,

‘How the hell should I know? I’m a bear for Christ’s sake!’

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