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Science & Tech

Published on October 9th, 2013 | by Flipside

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Professor Higgs celebrates Nobel Prize with drunken rampage

EDINBURGH, UKProfessors and students at Edinburgh University’s Kings’ Buildings were shocked today to witness a naked Peter Higgs celebrating on the grounds. An alcohol fuelled rampage through KB and the hearts and minds of the University science community served to remind everyone why Nobel Prizes are won.

At 11:16 GMT, a mere minute after the prize was announced, Higgs was seen wearing nothing but a party hat, running through the James Clerk Maxwell Building carrying a keg of beer over his head. He then proceeded to drink the entire keg in a matter of minutes, only to produce another one from his office. Higgs has been estimated to have caused 1,000 pounds in damage to the JCMB alone.

After defecating on a statue of James Clerk Maxwell and sexually assaulting a painting of himself, Higgs sprinted out the door, third keg in arm, onto the Kings’ Buildings Campus. There he proceeded to wildly dance and imbibe alcohol until he passed out on the roof of the Murray Library, genitalia flapping in the wind.

Iain Robertson, a PhD candidate, described the scene as “supremely weird” and “deeply disturbing,” saying it “gave him hope for the future of physics research.”

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