Published on May 9th, 2016 | by Flipside0
Hitler Goes On TV To Talk About Ken Livingstone
Former Führer of Germany and all round life and soul of the party Adolf Hitler went on TV this morning to discuss former mayor of London Ken Livingstone. Livingstone has spent every waking minute of the last week on the news, discussing his unorthodox views about Hitler, and Hitler felt it was only reasonable that he exercised his right to reply.
‘Vat do I zink of Ken? Vell, I zink his record as mayor of London speaks for itself, but all zat stuff about ze Jews? No I don’t zink I agree with any of that. Ken seems like a decent man at heart, but clearly when the camera is pointed, he loses his head and says some silly things,’ said Hitler, famously a vegetarian.
‘Initially, I zink Ken just wanted to clarify his views on the complex and highly sensitive Israel-Palestine situation, but he dug himself a hole, and zen kept digging. I have been zer also – I never meant to invade Poland, but I promised Goebbels I would after I lost a bet…zen it all got a bit out of hand, I must admit,’ Hitler continued. ‘Really, I am just an artist and dog-lover, I never meant to be history’s greatest tyrant, but sometimes the pressure tells, and you say something silly about the Jews on the news – ah, I made a rhyme – or in my case accidentally plunge ze whole world into its deadliest ever conflict’
‘Ja, in zis life ve all make mistakes’ he concluded.