Published on February 23rd, 2016 | by Flipside0
‘Hitler’s genitals definitely the worst thing about him’ claim historians
Today, historians came out with the outlandish claim that, despite his numerous war crimes and the millions of people who died as a direct result of his actions and general assholery, the worst thing about Hitler was in fact his tiny penis.
We have long known that Hitler only had one ball, after the other failed to drop, but historians today claimed that he also suffered from what is sensitively known as a ‘Hitlerpenis’ – a penis smaller than 2 inches when erect (and also belonging to Hitler).
“We knew he was a bad guy who did some pretty unpleasant stuff, but who hasn’t made mistakes in their life? However, when we found out that Hitler also had a tiny dick, we flipped out. What a freak! How did Germans even vote for him? Do they just love guys with one ball and a tiny cock?” Said historian Humbert Splafe, who has announced his next research will focus on the relationship between penis size and megalomaniac tendencies, with a particular focus on Genghis Khan, Pol Pot, Napoleon, and Robert Mugabe, while Maggie Thatcher’s reign of terror will be used as a control experiment.
“We’ve always regarded history as being mainly about men, but we never knew quite how important penis size was in the bigger picture.” Concluded Mr. Splafe, speaking exclusively to Flipside while proudly rubbing his junk and winking at our interviewer.
(are you sure it was ‘winking’ ed?)