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Commentary

Published on February 11th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

Horses wish you would stop fucking whining about meaningless shit

Research has recently shown that horses have the ability to read human emotion, and what’s more they find it quite tiresome. The study has been published in the Biology letters journal.

Horse ‘Poppsy’, or Derek as he prefers to be called, said, ‘My owner is the biggest fuckin’ whiner you can imagine and a complete pushover to anyone that looks her way. I’ve lost count the amount of times she’s met ‘the one’ only to be heartbroken the following week when she’s found out he sent a cock photo to someone he met on Tinder, or Grindr in the case of Paul.’ Derek continued, ’the worst of it is she always comes to me like I’m her bloody emotional comfort blanket. Let’s be clear about this, the things I care about are hay, running aimlessly on the spur of the moment and polo mints. I fuckin’ love polo mints.’ Meanwhile, owner Veronica Parker Lewis said, ’His eyes are so soulful, I really think he’s the only one who understands, and last week I met this guy. I thought he was really special until…’ Derek finished, ‘Awwww Christ on a bike!’

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