SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

World

Published on July 26th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

Nuclear Submarine crashes after Pokemon Go incident

A £1.1bn nuclear submarine has crashed into a tanker after a Wailord was spotted off the coast of Gibraltar.

The ‘hunter submarine’ was on a routine mission to gather Pokemon, when a merchant ship collided with it. The submarine, which is fitted with ‘world leading sensors’, was unable to see a 55,000 tonne, 200 meter long Chinese tanker.

The submarine’s, Commander Stevie McSubface said ‘The tanker just came out of no where. One second we were in pursuit of a Wailord then next thing we were hit. There was nothing we could do, we couldn’t go over it, we couldn’t go around it and we couldn’t go through it’. When our Flipside reporter pointed out to him that unlike the children’s nursery rhyme ‘bear hunt’, he would have been able to go under it, the commander’s responded with a resounding “Shit”.

The Commander finished by saying, “Although this may cost the taxpayer tens of millions to repair, it is important to remember that the crew now gets the chance to harvest more Pokemon from Gibraltar that which may have otherwise been lost to the British people”.

Following the incident, the Foreign Office is set to investigate the intentions of the crashed merchant vessel, after a UN body suggested China was using ships to “aggressively harvest rare sea Pokemon in order to sell and boost the Yuan”.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑