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Education

Published on September 12th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Edinburgh University announces new bursary scheme

The University of Edinburgh has unveiled its latest funding plans to get students from disadvantaged backgrounds into university with the new ‘Take a shot’ programme.

Under the scheme, aspiring students who want a bursary to fund their education must run a bouncy castle assault course while members of the Clay Pigeon shooting society take pot shots at them with their shotguns. Those who survive and complete the course are then eligible to apply for the bursary.

Speaking to Flipside, the University’s Chancellor for the Poor, Jackie Perkins, said “We’re very happy with the ‘Take a Shot’ programme. Under this scheme, not only does the University of Edinburgh add another bursary scheme to its repertoire, like the Carmichael Grant which gives money to students called Carmichael, it also provides an extra student-led dynamic to the scheme while benefiting wider society. Not only will members of the shooting society get volunteering experience that they can put on their CV and LinkedIn, we’re also reducing the total number of welfare recipients which means the government can spend more money on free tuition fees.”

This move was received positively by EUSA Vice President of Education Bobi Archer who said “As a student-led organisation we’re always keen for more ways to get more students into education. And as the former President of the shooting society, I’ll be the first in line.”

When speaking to Flipside, many students were enthusiastic about the news, with one suggesting that they would prefer to take their chances in an open field then be forced to work clean-up at the Big Cheese.

In other news, EUSA President Patrick ‘Theresa May’ Kilduff has gone missing following a yodelling holiday in Switzerland.

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