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Published on June 2nd, 2014 | by Flipside

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Islamophobic student prays for Edinburgh to serve halal meat so he can be outraged

An Edinburgh student recently revealed that he has been spending many long nights praying that Edinburgh University will serve halal meat so that he can have a source of outrage. Murray Bannerman, a student in Religious Studies, states he has been losing sleep due to the lack of unexposed Islamic influence on the university.

He claims, “I think halal meat should be served but I think we shouldn’t get told it is halal until a few months after. This way, no one tastes a difference but everyone can be angry at Muslims. It’s about bringing society together against atrocity. I’ve been praying for this. That’s just what I believe in.  Should I really get ostracised by a community for my beliefs? I think not.”

Following the recent Subway halal scandal, many students across the UK were happy to find an outlet for their infuriation. Many flocked to the doors of local Subway establishments with signs stating “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Halal Meat”.

A recent student survey exposed that 75% of Edinburgh University students thought that “halal” was the name of the resident DJ at the Big Cheese while the other 25% said they were not sure what it was, but knew that it made them very angry.

Hugh Murdoch, President of Edinburgh University Students’ Association stated he has been trying hard to accommodate the demands of students but could only respond in Lionel Ritchie parodies, stating “Halal, is it meat you’re looking for?”

Bannerman says he will continue to pray for his desired outcome, and finish each prayer ritual by eating a bacon sandwich.

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