Published on March 16th, 2015 | by Flipside0
Jeremy Clarkson “has left BBC and joined ISIS”
BBC bosses have reluctantly admitted today that popular presenter Jeremy Clarkson has quit the corporation and crossed the border into Syria to join the Holy Caliphate of Islamic State.
A video posted by IS appears to show Clarkson, together with two unnamed companions, making the journey from Turkey into IS-held areas of Syria. All three men are shown purchasing second hand cars in Ankara before proceeding to drive through day and night towards the border by different routes.
The journey is not without incident; Clarkson at one point runs out of fuel and has to walk five miles to the nearest town, where he is only able to obtain fuel by bartering away his designer jeans. The second man reaches Syria safely but is then hauled from the car and given 40 lashes for having an unacceptable haircut. The third driver’s car engine explodes, forcing him to complete the journey on a small donkey.
The BBC have been left struggling to replace their star presenter. “We did have someone in mind,” said a spokeswoman, “but after ten days of secret negotiations he unfortunately had to go home to Russia to resume his day job.”
British Charities have set up helplines for distraught Top Gear fans, and called for more to be done to prevent similar incidents in future.
“Unfortunately, ISIS are becoming very good at luring vulnerable TV presenters into joining them. They promise them well cooked steaks on demand, obedient servants and the opportunity to drive a tank around and blow stuff up whenever they want to. Unfortunately the reality that Clarkson and his friends encounter over there may be very different.”
In what may be a related development, IS have released a second video showing a hooded man using a JCB to behead a Nissan Micra. The man is heard to describe the car as a chattel of the Infidels and as a girl’s car with a puny engine.