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Published on February 28th, 2014 | by Flipside

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JMCC’s ‘Love Food Hate Waste’ campaign spreads to Ukraine

Over the last 3 months, tensions across the world have been running high, culminating in violent protests and anarchy. Hundreds have been wounded following confrontation between opposition forces with The University of Edinburgh Freshers only able to cower in fear.

The John McIntyre Conference Centre is advertised to prospective students as a friendly environment, where students can relax and eat with their friends. However, ‘Love Food Hate Waste’(LFHW) campaigners have occupied the JMCC halls for over 18 months, mentally harassing students and staff members alike. The initial blockade has been created at the entrance/exit to the restaurant area, where students timidly walk past Love Food Hate Waste officials. Although intimidating, most of the conflict has been restricted to the interior, concentrated to the fascinating tray removal system.

According to JMCC staff member Mr Orange Juice Simpson, who would prefer to be known as OJ: “LFHW rebels have taken control of our way of life, now we can’t even reuse leftover food from student trays! What kind of world do we live in?

A Fresher, who would like to remain anonymous, so shall be known by ‘generic pretentious London name’, commented:

“…Ever since the rebels militarised with hoodies, the students and staff have become prisoners to their anarchistic campaign. Only last week my friend, Rollo, was verbally abused and kidnapped for not finishing his ‘meat on a stick’’. We were lambs to the slaughter, no one can finish ‘meat on a stick’…”

These atrocities have been welcomed by Ukrainian President Yanukovych, whose declaration that he is also a LFHW campaigner has caused proportionately mild rioting in Kiev. He confirmed that he will be adopting  the JMCC rebels’ “school yard bullying” tactics, against the entire Ukrainian population.

There have been cries from EUSA to international support for the victims of the JMCC conflicts, however once again EUSA’s credibility has been overlooked by everyone.

Flipside has previously reported on the JMCC’s effects on obesity in Scotland, and on it’s multitude of lies regarding the locality of it’s food.

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