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Commentary

Published on January 12th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Junior Tories to Strike for Less Caring Time

In the face of the protests against cuts to welfare, junior Tories have gone on strike for fewer hours of caring about the less fortunate.

Jonty Buntington-Wells, chief president of the Corporate Young and Newfound Tory Society (CYNTS), had this to say on the matter:

“The amount of hours which the Tory government want us to care for the disabled and the homeless on their behalf is absurd. Great-Grandpa Lord Julian Buntington III would have raised his sabre and charged at the Prime Minister with his hunting party in tow, had he not died of syphilis on a Hawaiian island.

“It is the government’s responsibility to pretend to be interested in benefits, not the student majority who are on a tax-deductible benefits loan scheme.”

This is the first of three strikes planned throughout the year, the second and third coinciding with Wimbledon and the re-enactment of the Battle of Waterloo.

When questioned on the matter, Chancellor George Osborne replied that he was delighted to see junior Tories taking initiative, and protesting against having to care about the less fortunate was “exactly what me, Davey-Pops, and Bo-Jo would have done.”

Meanwhile, police in central London have been placed on black alert and to look out for signs of the general public being nice to the homeless for a change.

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