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Published on November 4th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Halloumi Burger Return Hailed as 2016’s Best Political Decision

Thousands of young Edinburgh students flocked to the EUSA office at Potterrow today to celebrate the new legislation of halloumi burgers on Monday. Amongst the crowd were several alumni, or ‘halumni’, including former UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown, whose ‘Ban the Bean’ campaign took the burger world by storm in 2009.

“I, ah, have been, ah, staunchly opposed, ah, to the, ah, removal of the, ah, halloumi burger,” Mr Brown told Flipside in the next toilet cubicle of Teviot Underground without invitation for a conversation.

“It is my, ah, belief that this, ah, inclusion of the, ah, halloumi burger back on the, ah, Library Bar menu will bring, ah, world peace.”

Writers for The Guardian have already hailed the halloumi burger’s return as “EUSA’s crowning achievement” and “the best political decision of 2016”. The Guardian famously made unfair derisions towards the approval of Kirsty Haigh-What-A-Wonderful-Kind-Of-Day on the issue of Halloumexit in 2013 or whatever.

Meanwhile, halloumi activists, or ‘hactivists’, have joined with Flipside to promote the halloumi burger’s return and initiate a campus wide holiday on 7th November.

No, we’re serious. Stop laughing. It’s happening. Look, we even made a Facebook event.

https://www.facebook.com/events/1236659629741576/

Ok, we didn’t make it, but we fully support it. And we want you to be there. There’s going to be a ton of cheese-related guests like pop tribute band Shropshire Blue, wrestler and actor The Rockfort, and actress Brie Larson.

And of course, we’ll be there. All of the Flipside crew. Dressed as various cheeses. So join us and, as we wait for our amazing taste of justice with a side of chips, we shall sing these words to the tune of ‘Do You Hear the People Sing?’ from ‘Les Miserables’:

Can I have on table 3, cheese that clearly is the best?

It’s the only veggie substitute that’s slightly burger-esque.

With a salad on the side and a slightly hipster beer,

Now that halloumi’s back, there’s nothing we have to fear.

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