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Published on February 18th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Leaked document reveals other EU leaders think David Cameron is a prick

The British Prime Minister’s plans to negotiate a better deal for Britain in Europe were today dealt a serious blow, when a leaked document signed by all the other EU leaders suggested they believe Cameron is a ‘total bellend’.

In what was meant to be a secret document, other European leaders used a variety of colourful expressions to describe dearest Davey-C, and unfortunately we are only able to publish the least severe, some of which are in translation.

Spain’s Mariano Rajoy described Cameron as a ‘shiny, pig-raping sociopath’, while French Prime Minister Manuel Valls said the PM was ‘like some shit zat ah would scrape off my shoe, except with shit, I would scrape it off, but with Mr. Cameron I would throw away the shoes and probably burn everything I was wearing at the time, then say three Hail Marys, and I am not even a religious man’

The Danish leader was less damning, saying only ‘I feel sorry for him, but not as sorry as I feel for his wife and children, and the people of Britain. It is sad, really. He is a pathetic man and I think he needs help’

However, it was German leader Angela Merkel who most succinctly hit the nail on the head: “He is like Hitler but more disgusting. At least with Hitler you knew what he wanted…he was a straight-shooter. David Cameron is a lying, conniving, filthy wort of a man and I hope he dies of syphilis”

When asked to comment on the matter, Cameron chuckled and dismissed the document as ‘probably just a great bit of banter from all the lads in Brussels’, before continuing ‘I bet Angie put them up to this, she bloody loves a good practical joke! Ha, Angie. What a legend’

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