Published on May 8th, 2016 | by Flipside0
Library Cat Not a Symbol of Our Hopes and Dreams. Just a Cat
The Library Cat, frequently held up as the symbol of Edinburgh students, our hopes, dreams, youthful idealism, future wellbeing and job prospects, has disappeared, and is probably now long dead. This revelation has led students to realise that he was, in fact, just a fucking cat.
Students who have spent weeks mourning Jordan’s disappearance are gradually coming to realise that the cat actually had no impact on their day to day life, or unique understanding of the hardships of being a student in a developed first world city, and was in fact just a cat all along. A surly, uncaring, furry feline fucker.
In the meantime, students have been revising, handing in coursework, taking exams, covering each other in flour and getting on with every other aspect of their lives, proving that, while Jordan was no doubt a fun curio in the lives of Edinburgh students, he is nonetheless only a cat.
Some students have suggested that Jordan was stolen by Napier students, or abducted by the tyrants over at Maison de Moggy on Grassmarket. No one has considered the possibility that, being just a cat, Jordan might have willingly fucked off to somewhere else, without a thought given to the students…because he’s a cat.
The investigation continues.