SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

News

Published on November 11th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

Lizard Illuminati Overlords: ‘What the fuck did you people do?!’

THE ARCTIC BUNKER NEAR RY’LEH –  In their first public appearance since the US Presidential Election, our Illuminati Lizard Overlords  have issued their disbelief over the results.

‘What the fuck did you people do?’ Crasicisusicus the All-Seeing One said to a room full of press and fellow puppeteers of the world. ‘We let you sheep have control for one election and you choose the Human Vodka-Gatorade Cocktail? Why do you think we exist? To prevent bullshit like this! Who did this? Worldwide Jewish Conspiracy did you have something to do with this?’

The leader of WJC shook their heads and began shouting at the 9/11 Architects for letting it get this far. ‘What about you Cyber-Hitler? Did you let this happen?’ another Lizard shouted above the rabble. Cyber-Hitler and Walt Disney’s brain began fighting amongst the Cthulu Cultists. The green skinned reptile man then addressed this reporter directly, ‘and don’t try to pin this on us, alright? Our candidate was on the ticket!’ He then lowered his tone, ‘personally I blame the government agency that monitors everyone’s thoughts, they should’ve seen this coming.’

Suddenly from the back of the room two men in black suits yell, ‘Our polls were wrong! We didn’t want this! We just wanted to harass Jeff Ferris of Hartford, Connecticut!’ The Lizard overlord responded by hissing loudly and eating their brains. This reporter left the bunker while the secret societies of the world fought to figure how to keep it from burning.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑