Published on April 25th, 2017 | by Flipside0
Local Woman Disappointed To Learn She Sold Her Soul Years Ago, via Neglectful Reading of Vodafones Terms and Conditions
In a unsurprising 21st century twist, Jessica Lever, resident of Newington, was recently informed that her soul is already destined to be a servant for all eternity in the fiery pits of biblical hell. Unfortunately, the acquisition of the soul was made not by the glamorous Satan, but the slightly less iconic Vodafone.
Jessica commented: ‘I’m disappointed really, I mean I always try to read at least ta few lines, but who really has time for all the word they use and the language is so impenetrable. I thought it was a decent deal, I do get unlimited texts and calls! Although people never really call anymore because my generation are generally scared of speaking to people on the phone unless it’s our mothers. The devil had recently approached me to see if I would like to sell my soul in return for endless riches and unimaginably beauty, but I had to turn him down, because of the Vodafone thing. I’ve heard that Vodafone’s section of hell is particularly tiresome, you have to sit in a sauna in a onesie and listen to hold music for forever.’
Satan had this to say: ‘technology is ruining everything, nearly everyone I approach has already sold their bloody soul, it’s not like the good old days. I feel a bit sorry for them because most of the time it’s in exchange for discount codes, rather than something cool like demonic magic and a pet lion.’