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Published on September 23rd, 2015 | by Flipside

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Mild riots (damply) spark as EUSA refuses to allow more halloumi burgers

Students of the University of Edinburgh have begun a series of organised riots across the campus, after protests for EUSA to bring more halloumi burgers into the student union have been in vain.

Despite promises from EUSA President Jonny Ross-Tatum that they would allow 20,000 halloumi burgers in by 2020, there have been no signs of any of these vegetarian-friendly meals across campus. With roughly 4.2 million  hipsters studying at Edinburgh (and growing), there is a chance of a  serious halloumi shortage and thus the riots have taken full voice.

Mr Ross-Tatum has yet to comment on these missing halloumi burgers, after receiving a barrage of backlash for stating that halloumi burgers and Mexican bean burgers were “basically the same, right? Like, I’m not being racist, but, they are both vegetarian  and Mexican bean Burgers are more skilled on the whole for how much they cost.…”

Meanwhile Angie McErkel, President of Glasgow University Union, has said that their union is prepared to relocate 40,000 halloumi burgers by September into their student union. This is the latest step in the plan to undermine EUSA in every way, after last year’s invitation for Robin Thicke to open up the first night of Big Cheese.

An anonymous representative for EUSA refused to comment on McErkel’s behaviour, but simply waggled their fist at her hijinks and shenanigans.

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