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Published on October 21st, 2013 | by Flipside

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Motion proposed to change police uniforms on campus

Two students from the University of Edinburgh have written a motion that, if passed, would mandate any police entering university campus to change into uniforms modeled on the Vatican Swiss Guard.

John Archibald-Braithwaite and Felicity Fraser-Cartwright, members of the university Socialist society, have proposed the motion for debate at the eagerly anticipated Student Council meeting this Thursday. They state in the motion that, “Police uniforms are far from aesthetically pleasing and make our venues look less appealing to potential customers.”

Archibald-Braithwaite said, “After spending a few months in Italy on my gap year I fell in love with the get up that the official Vatican security wore. I think part of student animosity towards the police is the frankly hideous fluorescent uniforms they wear.”

Fraser-Cartwright added, “It’s horrible. Every time I get detained I nearly vom at the sight of those jackets.”

The specifics of the motion detail a sophisticated system of changing rooms and border control that would enable a smooth transition. It states, “We recognise that if the pigs did have to enter campus, this policy would have to account for emergencies. We resolve to set up outposts around the borders of campus that would have 24 hour staff to help the police change quickly from the offending uniforms to something a bit nicer.”

Students from the ECA have stated their enthusiasm to be involved with the new design.

3rd year fashion student Brian Hammersmith was particularly enthused, “This is a fantastic opportunity for fashion and design students to play a role in the student community’s well being.

“We all really like the Pope’s design for the Swiss mercenary guards at the Vatican. They’re simply gorgeous. I’m hoping to add a modern twist to the design. I’m thinking titanium plates. They’re functional, beautiful and so in right now.”

A final clause in the motion resolves to consult Lady Gaga for any advice she may have on the new designs. At the time of writing Gaga was unavailable for comment, presumably too busy soaking in all the applause from her adoring fans.

The motion is in accordance with last year’s ‘Turn Campus into a Socialist Utopia’ motion passed on the last day of term by a total attendance of 4 people and a 60% majority.

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