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Entertainment

Published on September 29th, 2014 | by Flipside

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New blow for Tories as minister sends naked photos of himself to Nigel Farage

Hot on the heels of the defection to UKIP by Mark Reckless, and the resignation of Brooks Newmark after sending rude photos to a female journalist, the Tory Party has now lost a third minister. Algernon Smugpants, MP for Welltodo West, has been forced to resign after sending explicit images of himself to UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

Smugpants had earlier turned up at the house of his mistress, Saskia Sexpott, having told her that he wished to defect to her party. When Ms Sexpott replied that she wasn’t hosting any parties that evening, Mr Smugpants rapidly realised his mistake. Unfortunately for him, by that point Mr Farage had already received the images.

“Look, this was an honest mix-up,” said Mr Smugpants. “I’ve been under a lot of pressure recently. I hope Mr Farage will accept my apologies and forward the images to Ms Sexpott.”

“Look, I know I said that we’re always on the lookout for dicks and knobheads to join UKIP,” said a clearly shaken Nigel Farage afterwards, “but this isn’t what I meant. I also wish to firmly deny all rumours that I was in any way turned on by the images that I was sent. Especially the one where he was reclining on a sofa with the seductive eyes and full, pouting lips. No, not turned on at all.”

David Cameron expressed regret at Mr Smugpants’ flirtation with UKIP. “Look, Mr Smugpants is both deeply confused, and a bit of a pervert. So clearly his natural home is in the Tory Party.”

When asked about the scandal to, Ed Miliband spoke for 15 minutes but quickly forgot what he was talking about. We also asked Alex Salmond for a comment, but he was laughing so hard, he was unable to speak. “Breathe, Alex, breathe!” said a concerned Nicola Sturgeon.

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