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Entertainment

Published on October 17th, 2013 | by Flipside

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New Christmas Market to feature coal stalls

Flipside can report that in the wake of the news that the Edinburgh Christmas markets will no longer feature the popular German stands, which sell pretzels, mulled wein (sic), beer, sausages, 14 million varieties of cheese and spiky World War 1 helmets, the new organisers of the event, Underbelly, will be replacing them with stands which sell black coal for about £5 a pop.

Underbelly, previously known for summoning a bizarre purple cow to Edinburgh during August, then heavily intoxicating and killing it, selling its meat as burgers and using its carcass as a venue, seemed enthusiastic about the venture when asked for a comment.

CEO of the company, Charlie Wood, said, “We tested a number of key Christmas products with focus groups, but coal was far and away the most successful. I think it could be because black is in this year, as are paperweights. Rising fuel bills could also have an effect.”

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