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Sports

Published on March 25th, 2016 | by Flipside

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New Sabbs Promise to ‘Make EUSA Shit Again’

After a year of remarkable competence, little drama and several positive, progressive policies, the new EUSA sabbatical team has promised they will return the organisation to its roots. The organisation we know and love, they assure us, will very soon become shit again.

New President Alex Edgecliff-Jonson announced: “I ran on a platform of community and togetherness, and I promise to deliver that. By the end of this year the entire student body will be united in the belief that EUSA is once again a complete crock of shit”

Jess Husbands, the new VPSA, assured voters that “Room bookings will get harder, funding will get increased but used much less efficiently, and I think next year we should definitely hold the Society Awards at Snax Café on Buccleuch Street”

Charming, earthy Northener Patrick Garratt added “As VPAA, I will make sure to represent students by focussing only on the most niche, fringe issues, massively over-politicising everything I do, and failing to address anything concerning students at King’s Buildings. If you’re not on Bristo Square mate, I don’t care”

Jenna Kelly, the new Vice President Services, concluded, “I think we’re in for a cracking year. EUSA isn’t meant to be an efficient organisation, and we promise our governance will adequately reflect the decisions of the degenerate fuckwits who elected us: the students of Edinburgh University”

Flipside looks forward to a healthy and mutually beneficial working relationship with the new EUSA sabbatical team.

 

 

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